As a relationship and sex therapist as well as one half of a marriage, I’ve found the following five items to be important to keeping the romance going. It’s a delicate mix of mystery, adventurousness, laughter and love. I welcome your feedback on this one- please post in the comments!

5 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive

1. Be willing to say yes! Be spontaneous together whether it’s your idea or your partners. Try something new like a sport, a restaurant, or just going on a drive or walk. We too often get stuck in a rut on the couch or on our phones and are quick to say “naw” “I’m busy” or “maybe later”. Shake it up, reconnect and before you know it you’ll be shakin’ it up into your golden years.
2. Always be able to recall the last time you cracked up with laughter. If you can’t remember then ask your partner! The process of going through your Rolodex of good times is sure to ignite some laughter in the process or inspire you to make some new memories.
3. Maintain some mystery when it comes to bathroom habits. Unless it’s part of you kink, going to the bathroom in front of your partner isn’t sexy (or funny, if it’s farting). It may seem like doing so is a testament to how close the two of you are or comfortable in each other’s company. But, let’s call it what it is- urinating or defecating in front of your loved one actually chips away at the clear boundaries of healthy differentiation (the opposite of unhealthy codependency). So if you’re doing it- stop it, hold it, or demand your privacy. Your partner will thank you for it.
4. Keep bets playful! We all make playful bets with our partners and that’s totally fine because it makes life a little more interesting. But no one wants to endure pain or shame just because Run DMC sang “It’s Tricky” and not NWA. If you partner isn’t willingly to do (anal, rimming, oral or whatever it is you want) having to do said act as a “loser” makes the favor even more unappealing. In case you get stumped the next time your playing pool, here are a few alternatives: coffee in bed for a week, a homemade meal, or loser plays designated driver next time.
5. Give at least one compliment or praise a day. This is really low-balling it, too. John Gottman, leading relationship therapist and researcher says that couples should maintain a 5:1 ratio of compliments to criticisms. If you can get into the habit of acknowledging one nice thing that your partner is or does you’ll start to notice more things. Don’t be shy- tell your honey he looks good, you like the way her perfume smells or that he’s been a real dynamo in the kitchen. You’ll lead by example and before you know it you’ll be on the receiving end of those kind words and maybe even more, wink wink, nudge nudge!